feeling lucky... or love

I know that all marriages are different and bring different dynamics and different amounts of love and tension and friendship and sexuality and I know that these things can't be judged by what's best for a marriage or what works or doesn't work. I also know that God had EXACTLY what Timmy and I needed in a partner in mind when he had us cross paths. I know this might be a little mushy and it may be coming from a mushy place but it's also just interesting that there can be another person in the world, A WHOLE PERSON, who is out there just for me. Not my mom, dad, or sister... not a person who I grew up with or a person that I'm related to. A STRANGER by all accounts who just happens to be my other half. I feel incredibly lucky and blessed. Things haven't always been perfect. There have been times that I mentally split the contents of our house up and thought about what it would be like to be on my own (haven't we all) these times were in the beginning. The growing pains I suppose. When we yelled and fought and threw things and went to bed mad. When he learned what made me tick and I learned what ticked him off :) He showed me that I didn't have to yell and act out to express myself and I showed him how life can be outside of the fraternity house. It was around that 2nd year that we did all of this. The second year of living together. The first year we were CONSUMED with each other and how much we each had to offer. Who knew someone could be so interesting and you could talk all day and all night and never wish you were anywhere else. *sorry... I'll get back on track* That 2nd year... the tough one.... We talked this morning about being a teenager. He always wanted to know WHY when he couldn't do something. I always got to do whatever I wanted b/c I acted like an ass until I upset the entire house and got my way. He still isn't sure why he wasn't aloud to do certain stuff but I know why I was and feel guilty for it. (I'm still apologizing to my mom for that) BUT you live and you learn. Back to our 2nd year.... The more I think about it this is the teenage year of your relationship.. well, our teenage year. I suppose some people get there one month in while it takes others years. Either way relationships are a new life together. As temperamental as toddlers throwing things off the high chair to see how many times you will pick it up... like an eight year old falling off their bike, getting a band aid, a kiss, and getting back on again....like a teenager who wants to know why or yells when they don't...

I've seen lots of couples and marriages in my life time. I see the good in them. I see the bad in them. I see these things in my own with a realistic eye. With that same realistic eye I also see that Timmy and I aren't some chance of luck. We didn't just 'make it work'. We aren't working towards a goal that I believe is unattainable. We're family. We're best friends. We're IN love. We love each other. We want to be together -side by side- all the time. We like to ride together to the gas station and take lunch together everyday and when I'm away from him I MISS him. I can't think that this is an accident. I can't imagine that he wasn't MADE...PUT HERE... on this earth for me. If that isn't a good enough reason to have faith and hope and love I'm not sure what is. Sometimes to SEE the good in life and to FEEL the love you have to squint and reach your hands out to all edges of the earth. Sometimes you do. Then again.... if you're lucky... you just have to wake up and see the person laying next to you....When your puggle isn't bottom up in between you that is :)