ME ME ME ME ME!

feeling lucky... or love

2011-04-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

I know that all marriages are different and bring different dynamics and different amounts of love and tension and friendship and sexuality and I know that these things can't be judged by what's best for a marriage or what works or doesn't work. I also know that God had EXACTLY what Timmy and I needed in a partner in mind when he had us cross paths. I know this might be a little mushy and it may be coming from a mushy place but it's also just interesting that there can be another person in the world, A WHOLE PERSON, who is out there just for me. Not my mom, dad, or sister... not a person who I grew up with or a person that I'm related to. A STRANGER by all accounts who just happens to be my other half. I feel incredibly lucky and blessed. Things haven't always been perfect. There have been times that I mentally split the contents of our house up and thought about what it would be like to be on my own (haven't we all) these times were in the beginning. The growing pains I suppose. When we yelled and fought and threw things and went to bed mad. When he learned what made me tick and I learned what ticked him off :) He showed me that I didn't have to yell and act out to express myself and I showed him how life can be outside of the fraternity house. It was around that 2nd year that we did all of this. The second year of living together. The first year we were CONSUMED with each other and how much we each had to offer. Who knew someone could be so interesting and you could talk all day and all night and never wish you were anywhere else. *sorry... I'll get back on track* That 2nd year... the tough one.... We talked this morning about being a teenager. He always wanted to know WHY when he couldn't do something. I always got to do whatever I wanted b/c I acted like an ass until I upset the entire house and got my way. He still isn't sure why he wasn't aloud to do certain stuff but I know why I was and feel guilty for it. (I'm still apologizing to my mom for that) BUT you live and you learn. Back to our 2nd year.... The more I think about it this is the teenage year of your relationship.. well, our teenage year. I suppose some people get there one month in while it takes others years. Either way relationships are a new life together. As temperamental as toddlers throwing things off the high chair to see how many times you will pick it up... like an eight year old falling off their bike, getting a band aid, a kiss, and getting back on again....like a teenager who wants to know why or yells when they don't...

I've seen lots of couples and marriages in my life time. I see the good in them. I see the bad in them. I see these things in my own with a realistic eye. With that same realistic eye I also see that Timmy and I aren't some chance of luck. We didn't just 'make it work'. We aren't working towards a goal that I believe is unattainable. We're family. We're best friends. We're IN love. We love each other. We want to be together -side by side- all the time. We like to ride together to the gas station and take lunch together everyday and when I'm away from him I MISS him. I can't think that this is an accident. I can't imagine that he wasn't MADE...PUT HERE... on this earth for me. If that isn't a good enough reason to have faith and hope and love I'm not sure what is. Sometimes to SEE the good in life and to FEEL the love you have to squint and reach your hands out to all edges of the earth. Sometimes you do. Then again.... if you're lucky... you just have to wake up and see the person laying next to you....When your puggle isn't bottom up in between you that is :)

Ramblings and Updates

2011-04-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

My cousin started a blog not too long ago. I was one of the people who suggested it. I love the idea of blogging. Being able to write out how you are feeling or what you want to rant about or anything really b/c it is MY space. My very own personal spot to do what I will when I will. Apparently when I will is not very often. So now that inspiration has come full circle she has inspired me to try to blog a little more often. I know I look forward to blogs that are constant and get updated often so who am I to throw a wrench in the wheel. With that being said here goes. An update!

Timmy and I have still been working on our house. I'm sure I've told you before that it's a little shoe box of a house but man it takes a lot to get it ready to be seen by the world. I don't like the idea of strangers walking through thinking my ceiling fans need to be cleaned. When it is ready we will be happy to sell and move! I love our home. It's our first house. I feel like we'll be leaving a close friend behind. I've always had a thing for inadament objects. I was the little girl who purchased the stuft animal with the wrinkled whiskers.. the toy with a peice missing. Damn that brave little toaster movie! If that won't make you appreciate your toys what will! Unfortunately it has traveled with me to adulthood and I feel like I'm leaving my teeny house behind for a bigger more popular house. Like I just got a go on the first round of cheer tryouts in the 6th grade and my "classroom friends" just aren't cutting it anymore. When I was a kid I never made it past the first round in those cheer tryouts. In fact when you get down to the nitty gritty I never made it out of the car to go into the tryouts. Now I'm older and braver and have to get out of the car and buy that new house. It means leaving the old one behind and that will be sad b/c it really feels like home BUT it will shine like a pretty new penny when i'm done with it and maybe it will be someone elses first home who will be as happy to move in as we were :) Finding a new home hasn't had the appeal that I thought it would. I always want something that is about 10K more than we should really go comfortably. Isn't that all the difference between houses.. 10K.. Seems like it. I want a house with a yard and a neighborhood where my dog barking won't be the end of the world but where it is nice and everyone takes great care of their lawns. I want a pool and a game room and a kitchen that I could live in and drink coffee and read the paper in on Sunday mornings. (I don't drink coffee or read the paper now) but I guess it's the house I imagine myself growing old and raising kids in. I hope it's out there and someone else will be sad to say goodbye to it the way I'm sad to say goodbye to my little house. I guess we'll see.

As far as the cousin who inspired me to write more... I'm glad she did start that blog. We didn't grow up together but it really seems like we did. My mom always says that I am like her Mur. I never got to meet Mur b/c she died before I was born...and the cousin infact but apparently I get my love for cooking and organizing and crafts and stuff from her. My mom was always rearanging and always made dinner and stuff but wasn't like I am in the way that I ENJOY it all. A new recipe can be so fun! This is one of those things that makes me question nature vs. nurture. My mom and uncle spent the most time with Mur out of the 4 siblings on that side and therefore were more likely to have her values and likes and dislikes instilled in them. Even though me and the cousin didn't grow up together it makes me wonder if we are the ones who are the most like Mur b/c her dad accidentally passed those along to her and my mom accidentally passed them along to me or if it's just the luck of the genetic draw b/c lord knows my sister can't make anything that didn't pop out of a box and she would rather be doing anything that some self imposed project. (not to say she doesn't have tons of lovely qualities) Anyways.... I guess that is all I have going on at the moment. If any of you happen to hear of my dream house in Conway, AR just let me know :) xoxo everyone. Have a good day!

Stuff I look up

2010-10-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

I noticed recently that I have a pinchett for becoming slightly obsessed with one thing that will make or break my entire, trip, weekend, event... For my recent 10 year reunion it was my dress. I HAD to have a dress that wasn't black (b/c everyone wears black) wasn't too long, wasn't too short, looked good around my arm fat...(what I like to call chicken livers) and then once I finally found said dress It wasn't the right length.. I had everything else I needed except the length part.. the dress was long but cute long. My husband said "please don't cut it off, it is great long, looks like a girl from the 50's." So I couldn't take it to get it hemmed. So I did what any compulsive girl would do and I painstakingly installed a bubble hem that could be removed. I found the perfect shoes and the night was a blast... reunion compulsive issues... solved.

Then I went to the razorback game with a friend. I couldn't go in just any HOGS T-shirt. I had to have one that was really cute. One that would be the outfit b/c I knew I would wear jeans and tennis shoes. So I shopped around all over town (Conway, not Fayetteville; where I could have found 50 cute hog shirts in a 10 mile radius) After shopping at two Wal-Marts, Target, a waisted trip to Kohls, and a few other small places where I thought I might get lucky... I hit the mother load at Hibbett Sports. My shirt was rockin'. Razorback tailgating compulsive issues...solved.

Now I need a backpack... More of a day pack really to take to New Orleans and Biloxi so that I don't have to carry a purse. I want something big enough to carry all of my stuff (jacket, phone, wallet, make-up, water, and anything I buy along the road. Plus all of my husbands junk) so I'm struggling between full size or a smaller backpack. The smaller ones have some positive things about them. They aren't very large, heavy, or in the way. They don't make you look like a theif when you trapse through stores looking around. BUT they also keep you from carrying a small bag AND a bunch of crap along with it in your arms. So that is my current compulsive issue... Any suggestions?

projects and potholes

2010-06-08T06:36:00.000-07:00

In life it seems that I am either running or standing still. I hope that one day I can stroll along at an even pace. I love home improvement projects and doing things with my hands but sometimes I bite off more than I can chew. I'm currently in the middle of painting my kitchen cabinets and bathroom cabinets.. then I have to paint the kitchen, living room, and hall. After that I have the added pleasure of painting all of the trim a brighter white than it currently is. When all of this is done I get to have new floors and a backsplash installed. The finished result will be amazing but I feel like my plate is so full. Once I get everything painted I also get to move all the furniture out of the house... YES, ALL of the furniture so that the old floors can be ripped out by yours truly and the new floors can be installed. I hope that I can get it all done and stay graceful but I fear I have already fallen short. My mood is usually crappy b/c I stay up until 12 or 1 and wake up and go to work. I come home and start up again with my endless painting of the kitchen cabinets and when I go to sleep it looks like nothing has been done. The dishwasher that caused the whole mess is sitting there like a big asshole while I hand wash dishes after cooking dinner in a kitchen littered in specks of white paint and cabinet doors. I am mocked by this house that I am not in love with! I can't wait to sit on the couch and feel like I don't have anything to do. I'll keep you guys posted as the projects come to an end. Wish me luck as I attempt a summer social life, connections with friends, marriage, work, health, and house! I'll actually try to post some pics tomorrow so that you guys can stay in the loop as to what I'm getting done and what looks the same day after day. Now I'm going to go, get my head in the 8-5 work day and remember that I am blessed to have friends that I want to see, a house to repair, a husband who puts up with my endless stream of projects and insanity and a job to help pay for it all :) xoxo

Sam's Club Ponderings

2010-05-14T12:33:00.000-07:00

As I was walking around Sam's Club looking at the steaks for a little Surf and Turf
I overheard a woman with a cart loaded down with name brand items on her cell phone talking about how the steaks and ribs will take up two books of stamps. Good job deciding what is regulated government officials, and for that matter, American people who have voted them in to office. (Insert sarcastic tone here) I sure am glad she is having steaks and her kid wears pampers while Joe Shmo works forty hours a week and lives on hamburger helper to make ends meet. People complain about socialism and the basic practice of collectivist principles but honestly, as a person who works with the public everyday and actually experiences the education and maturity level of our average fellow American, I can tell you that this theory and practice aren't so far off base from what many people NEED to have basic functionality. The "No child left behind" Act from 2001 should have been in place many, many years ago. If you think about it, the fault can't be placed solely on the undereducated and immature low functioning populous group. The people with the power to change this are the very people that complain today without action. Without parents to teach common sense and work ethic we are left with only our schools to make sure that we have a highly functioning population. If our schools needed an ACT in order to get the job done then there is more to be done. The blind can't lead the blind and one generation of ill fated people become the next before you know it. After all, falling in love and sex are two of the greatest joys and most entertaining things in life and those are free. While the governments have put protective actions in place and require licensing to drive a car, hunt, fish, or even have a dog in many places... Any person is still free to have a child and take this child home from the hospital to any location. People are permitted to smoke cigarettes indoors around these infants causing lifelong health issues that place a large financial burden on the government, i.e. tax payers. The location isn't checked over to make sure it is clean and safe or even verified as a permanent residence. ANYONE can have a child and do whatever they want with it until the child does go to school and the good, standout teachers notice that there are issues. These teachers, try as they might, can't raise this child. They have them during school hours along with 20 other children for only one year. Then the child moves to the next teacher who may or may not care or notice.

To bring this back to the aforementioned woman I overheard shopping. They handed this woman, who obviously has lost control of her resources at some point in her life, food stamps. FREE money to spend at the grocery store and the only stipulations are that she can't purchase things that she can't eat. Like Dog food or make-up. I wonder if she is required to take courses in money management or even explain how she got where she is. Does she know that she can feed a family healthy meal for very little money? I don't pretend to be all knowing and say that everything in my life is in order, but I know how to shop on a budget, I know how to cut up a whole chicken and make a pot of beans taste like a pot of gold. (And have had to do this a time or two) I don't think it is right for hard working Americans to pay taxes and go without steak, ribs, cell phones; name brand food items in high volume... while others who aren’t employed get the luxury of choice and extras. I don't think that she should be permitted to spend the money she does bring in on cable and Internet extras while people with no government or organization assistance struggle for the access to basic cable. I speak to people daily who have CAPCA (a United Way affiliate) pay the utility portion of their bill while they pay EQUAL the amount in cable and Internet. I understand that all families want cable for entertainment but a basic package would be fine. The difference there is that basic cable is twenty-five fifty and most people getting assistance pay upwards of ninety to one hundred dollars. Life isn't fair. But this is certainly something that needs to be reviewed. The money should be spent wisely. If we know how many children there are and what the dietary needs are shouldn't there be basic groceries required with little money allocated to choice selections. Shouldn't someone teach the people who take this assistance that it is temporary and not a lifestyle?
I believe that my source of pride and honor derive from my basic ability to take care of myself. I truly hope other people get to experience this self worth first hand. The assistance is meant for people who have fallen upon hard times and need a little help to get back on track. I am so proud to live in a country that offers a helping hand. However, this shouldn't be misconstrued as a HAND OUT because we all know who foots the bill and how that can affect a struggling person’s family. I am almost 29 years old and my husband and I both earn a good living and have no children. These aren't things that plague me personally but they do strike a nerve. I guess my point is this- Rules, regulations, laws, stipulations, and acts are all in place because we know that something is wrong or has been wrong for a while. We need to understand that this world does need change and hope that we can all be a tiny part of this change. I wish I could explain to government that the "teach a man to fish" rule of thumb actually works.

20 things I learned while blocked in a parking spot for 3 hours and hanging out at Burger King.

2010-03-08T11:23:00.000-08:00

(yes.. I had a pen and paper and wrote this on the spot)

1. When you call a store to see if they have a specific item get the name of the person and ask them to hold said item for you. Otherwise you get there and they have no idea what you are talking about.
2. When you go to a concert, don't pay ten dollars to park, leave the concert early, and get stuck hanging out in a Burger King for several hours.
3. When you think a price is too good to be true, it is. Don't get the item, take it to the checkout and then realize that the sign is in the wrong place.
4. If you build a house of buy a car it better be exactly how you want it OR what you are willing to settle for b/c once you sign on the dotted line you will get nothing but dizzy b/c they only make you dizzy b/c they only make you chase your own tail.
5. Don't get credit cards... then don't pay those off and get more.
6. If you MUST have a pet... Have only one unless you WANT your house to smell like a dog. Another option is to get a pet that will die quickly.. Like a bird or an old sick dog.
7. If your pants are too tight, you aren't bloated, you gained weight. You don't need new pants. You need a bathroom scale and a friend who will pry the cheeseburger out of your hand.
8. If your head is round you don't look good with short hair.
9. Don't dress sexy and wear make-up around one night stands, exes, or co-workers and slob around in front of your spouse. Sweatpants and toad suck shirts should not replace lace and thongs.
10. Simply taking diet pills isn't enough to lose weight. They aren't like the pills in Alice in Wonderland.
11. Contrary to belief, you too smell bad when you smoke.
12. If you MUST get drunk, do it around someone who will not let your fat hang out.
13. Four ITEMS isn't a small meal at Taco Bell. It is about 3,000 calories.
14. Ten years of regular to fat pictures on my space and face book aren't forgotten simply b/c you got skinny for the reunion.
15. Having a child doesn't mean you weren't previously a whore if you were... The only answer is to move away and make your life seem awesome on face book.
16. A person with a ring on their finger is no promise that they won't flirt with your spouse. While the song clearly states "you can't make a hoe a housewife" they were lying. I have seen tons.
17. You hair won't have highlights like the picture on the box if you spend twelve dollars.
18. People who make fun of popular or attractive people ARE jealous.
19. If your friends come to you for advise or opinions... shoot them straight with a 90/10 percent rate. At least 10% of the time they want you to tell them what they NEED to hear.
20. If someone says you look tire or asks if you feel alright... This means you look like shit.

Why are nudist nude?

2010-02-19T07:09:00.000-08:00

Why are nudist nude? Wouldn't it be MORE pressure and MORE judgement to walk around naked all the time. When I see pictures or shows on TV about nudest I also notice that, SHOCKINGLY, their bodies are usually not the best to look at. Wouldn't being a nudist make you want to have a great body? I would think it would be much easier to buy a trendy new shirt than to get a six pack or a boob job if you are feeling insecure. Do they wear nail polish or is that clothes- ish.. what about make-up, Spray tans.. What about rouge hairs lying around. Isn't that a little icky? Can you dye your hair, or does that defeat the natural purpose of it all.. What is the purpose? I decided to write this prior to googling b/c I'm at work and don't think my "Internet police" would like that Nudist Colony came up from my IP. Don't they get cold? Is there a standard nudist temperature that most thermostats are set to. Do they take a "pole" to see if it is too cold simply by looking around the room? I mean no disrespect. I certainly wouldn't want anyone talking smack about my desire to get a good coat on sale. To each their own but I would think that nudity is added pressure that I just don't need! No thanks beaches in France and bunny clubs on HBO. I'm keeping my clothes! (side note, I even looked for a cartoon nudist picture but after I typed the search I decided that to was dangerous at work and decided against hitting images. lol)

Shrinking Violet

2010-02-12T13:09:00.000-08:00

This doesn't have a personal connection with me but I was feeling a little cheesy and got inspired. So here you go!

Sitting alone in a bed of millions she wanted to reach out.
Her leaves stretched to the edges for comfort only to be pricked by the thorns of the neighboring roses.
Locked inside her lush petals were her happiness and laughter.
She was the one who needed water. needed light. needed love.
Overshadowed by the flowering annuals near by. She was shrinking. A shrinking violet in the sand.
She had something that was missing from the rest of the lush green garden. She had strength and protection from the neighboring branches that had held her back before.
The days stretched on and the sun began to whither her competitors. The harsh wind uprooted their strong hold on her and she broke free.
She lifted her strong body and rose above the rest. The hardships were over. She would never be a shrinking violet again. She would weather the storms and strife's and come back for more next season.

Subway Subway Subway!

2010-01-28T11:53:00.001-08:00

WOW-
Subway Fit Fresh kids meal is the poo! They even gave me a cute little bag to take it home in.. (pictures to come when I have patience to post them).
As far as the phentermine goes I have this to say... yesterday I was totally sped out and it was pretty awesome all morning b/c it wasn't the kind of speedy feeling that makes you crazy.. however.. after only one fiber bar at about four I started feeling like crap. It was pretty terrible.. I don't know if it was the lack of food or the pill or what but I walked into subway after work and hurled.. I made it to the bathroom though so that is good news.. (side note: the bathroom in the Greenbrier Subway is quite nice) then I felt fine.. SO what did I learn from this lesson kiddos, TO EAT even if I'm not hungry.. hence the kids meal. So when I got home I ate the Subway and felt way better and at the end of the day my friend the scale said that I had lost 2.4 lbs so all in all it was a good day. So far today things have been better.. not so much speed and I ate the fit and fresh for lunch even though I wasn't hungry. So I am hoping that I won't have a repeat subway incident.
I am also going to let you in on a little secret. All those years that I worked somewhere else I wished and hoped for snow... I was dumb.. B/c even then there was some schmuck like me working through the crappy weather. I am in the "first line of defense" if the power or cable goes out in town so if things get really ugly i could be looking at up to 16 hours of work straight. I loaded my jeep down with the necessities... Feather blanket and pillow, the cushion from my papason chair, extra clothes, make up, a book and OF COURSE a TV show or two on DVD. I decided that the bigger deal I make out of it the less likely that anything will ACTUALLY happen. I suspect that all the bread and milk buying will be a wasted effort on most peoples part but if you buy into my theory then the long lines at walmart will do me a favor. As most things in Arkansas weather is something that you can NEVER count on.. EVER...
Tonight, as a percassion, I am going to stay the night with my sister or mom and hang out. I just called her to see if she would go get her nails done with me since she is starting her new job. She said she isn't sure if nails are still "in".. To be honest, I'm not sure if they are either, or if they have been anywhere else in the country for a WHILE now.. BUT they make me feel pretty so I still get them. We'll see what I can talk her into doing.
Ciao for now babies!!!

weight, houses, and other ramblings

2010-01-27T06:12:00.001-08:00

Alright! So, for all of you who read my last blog... here goes with my update.. and some randomness for your reading delight. I started taking Phentermine today.. aka speed that is per scribed. I'm hoping that It will help with my little weight issue. It is what my sister took and she looks GREAT. Surely we have to have some of the same chemicals so my hopes are high. If I look like a total bad ass next time you see me... that's why. bahahaha.. That is my plan. Badassness. To go with this badassness, I purchased myself a bathroom scale.. The ENEMY. If you don't have one, you should start a relationship with one soon. This will let you know just what the difference is between a salad and a chicken fried steak. It even tells me ounces.. The scale and I have a weird relationship. I have to tap my foot on it first to WARN it that I am about to load up and find out what it has to say... as if it is screaming at me to GET OFF of this poor plastic device I am standing on, it tells me my weight in pounds and ounces.. This is the relationship that we have.... I am wondering if the voice of the scale will change as I start to lose weight. It sounds like a big scary man right now.. and he is a little of a red neck. I'm hoping that it will sound more like Hermione from Harry Potter when this is all said and done. Who knows...
I also started a relationship with another inanimate object. This object doesn't say a thing... It's Crest White strips. Most people dislike having to do stuff like this, BUT If getting rid of my mustache was this easy then I would be in heaven.. Man I sound rough. ha ha.. OK, so it isn't a mustache, it's peach fuzz, but still, something that doesn't belong. Being a woman is such a PAIN! I have to shave everything on my body.. and now Margo tells me that there is a new trend of teenage girls shaving their ARMS! What the hell is that! Are they all swimmers or is this another terrible thing that women sat themselves up for. I DON'T WANT ANOTHER THING TO SHAVE!!!!!! but I certainly don't want to be old woman river who has HAIR ON HER ARMS. hahaha.. like mom jeans or something.
Another thing that is going on in life is this.. I want to get back to Conway. I talked to Timmy the other day and he said that he doesn't think he would like moving out of state. I NEVER knew this. I always talked about it and he always seemed fine with it but when we REALLY discussed it I realized that he might not be happy. So I told him that I would really like to either move to Fayetteville or Conway b/c I am so tired of not being able to go and do. I would like to join a gym but haven't been able to b/c I don't want to drive back to Conway everyday.. Just little things.. like not being able to stop over at my sisters house and stuff like that. SO we contacted our lender. He may tell us that we should wait. I don't really want another starter home in Conway.. If I move again I want a house that has some space. Although I could probably buy a house and live in it for a year and flip it. I do like to work on houses and upgrade them.. some of these homes I see just REALLY need someone who can decorate.. I realized this while searching for one. I did find a house in Marlise Manor that I really like.. It has double ovens and an island with a stove in it and some of those built in plate slots in the cabinets... the real kicker is that it has a separate dining room and nothing would make me happier then to have a dining room table so that I could have dinner parties. My current table only seats four and that is no fun! I want to have TONS of friends over and eat at a long table and talk and drink wine all night. I wish this was a possibility. Even if not now though.. some day it will be and you will all be invited.
Anyhow, I will keep you updated on this stuff as I have decided to use this as a sort of journal entry. If you get bored with it then you can start skipping post.. but it's out there.

Goal weight 115-120
lb's to go... not ready to tell anyone how much I have let this get out of hand :)

Happy new year!

2010-01-05T06:42:00.000-08:00

What a good thing Spiced cider is.. Sooo freaking good. I have decided that a hot beverage in the morning is the way to go in the winter time. I have also decided that the way to go on this whole new years resolution thing is maybe to put it in writing... If I do that then I may feel more pressure to stick to it.
1. lose weight and still be healthy!
2. go through my house AGAIN and get rid of stuff I don't need and make it look like I would make it look if I were selling it... (why shouldn't it look great for me)
3. be more independant... I got a new car and so did Timmy so my plan for 2010 is to keep my independant streak going. I have been trying desperately to live more.. or as my sweet heart of an american idol cousin says.. "Live like we're dying" hahaha
4. Be better at pool... not just ok when I have had several drinks... but decent when I am sober
5. Don't let important friends (like Mel) fall to the way side b/c we forget about each other.
6. See the ocean (I know how pathetic it is that I haven't been... please don't comment about how you can't believe it and you are so surprised and I am a loser)
7. Let my hair continue to grow out.. and when it gets really long get it dyed professionally to look like Claires on six feet under.
8. use all the features on my new iphone.. most importantly... answer it. hahaha
9. keep my toenails painted
10. hmmmm.... I think I will leave this one open so that in can (insert good things here)

xoxo.. Love to all and have a happy new year... I will keep you posted on how these things are going. I have a feeling about this year...It's going to be a good one!

Happiness

2009-09-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

I wonder sometimes if anyone is really happy. I wonder if happiness is in the eyes of OUR beholders... not THE beholder. Do we really decide if we are happy or is it the reactions of others that sway our perception. I think it is the faces that our friends and family display that tell us if we are happy.

2009-08-25T12:38:00.000-07:00

Hmmmmm... Letter to myself. Good Idea Jesslyn and Melissa!

Dear Eleise,
I love you and I want to be around you but you are not one of the cast members of Gossip Girl. There is nothing remotely big city about you, you don't have high society money or friends with limos. You don't have the body of an 18 year old out of a romance novel and... of all of these things.. the most important.. you aren't in high school..You don't live in Forks, WA under a near constant cover of clouds and rain with Edward. It is also important for you to realize that you don't go to Yale with Rory Gilmore and you aren't the quirky mother of a 16 year old that you are best friends with.. That ship has sailed. You are 12 years past the day it left.. You aren't doing Magic with Harry Potter or being seduced by Clayton Westmoreland in 18Th century England. You aren't going to fashion shows with Samantha or helping Carrie decide what she wants to wear to the big premier.. Dexter isn't targeting any of your "less than perfect" acquaintances.. King Henry the XII doesn't want to seduce you into having your love child so that he can take it away from you and put it in it's own estate where the clean the walls once per day. You didn't recently get a job working with House M.D. and you aren't going to get to go explore strange people houses with that hot Australian doctor, nor are you helping Nurse Jackie get pills out of the new (fake) pix is for her habit. You also aren't selling WEED with Nancy. Above all else.. Clark and Chloe don't need your help to get the kryptonite out of Smalleville. You aren't hunting Ghost with Sam and Dean and you certainly aren't having sex with Tony Soprano on top of any desks.. you are what you are.
One day when you are tired of pretending to be all or any of those things and you are finished TALKING about having a baby and actually take steps to have one you will find out who you are.. one day when you aren't sitting on the couch next to your husband who is also sitting on the couch you will be out living with said husband the way that you want to live.. you will be romantic and thin and happy and you will be you... not the perception of who you are watching or reading.. you will be the person that you want to be instead of wanting to be the person that you want to be. You are awesome.. and I love that you like to read and watch TV. I love it b/c if you weren't obsessed with being a bossy, cooking, cleaning, and no it all fanatic then you wouldn't be you.. lets face it... you like you and you don't want to change.. you just want to be more of you and less of a zombie. So in short... I love you.. and I miss you.

Love, Yours!

Every Two Weeks!

2009-04-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about things that make me happy...all things relate back to one day every two weeks... What's that day you say??? PAYDAY! Not that we are in some sort of financial destitution.. We have money in the bank most of the time, However.... every two weeks... every other Wednesday the magic day comes along when we have PLENTY of money. Enough money to think of a fun thing to do and go do it... Do we want to go to Memphis? Do we want to buy shudders for the house? Do we want to go to walmart and buy tons of crap that we don't need? Do we want to go have a date day in Little Rock or have people over? I like the idea of being able to do what I want and have a big option, ONCE...every two weeks.
I'm not saying that everything is about money... but it sort of is. I really like the idea of being able to buy what I want when I want it. I also like the idea of being able to do fun things with friends and family.
On the flip side of things I don't absolutely hate being poor. Timmy and I have had some of our most fun evenings that included cooking a whole chicken (2.25) or eating spaghetti (3.00) and watching something stupid on TV and laughing.
One of the things I really like to do is cook and plenty of money means I can spend what I want on any particular meal...
So, While it's not all about having plenty of money, it is all about money. Sometimes even the fun that comes with the lack of.
The moral of this story.. It's Tuesday night and tomorrow is Wednesday. Woo Hoo.. The world is my oyster.... or at least walmart is. :)

Hair and BC Powder!

2009-01-30T09:34:00.000-08:00

I don't know if it is the 22 oz's of diet Pepsi that I downed it with or the BC Powder itself... It could have even been my freshly straightened red carpet ready hair but it is freaking amazing! I was having one of those late mornings where I left the house with half dry hair that closely resembled dread locks and no make up on... I got here and made some time to straighten my hair and watch Felicity and now things are really looking up! I added a little eyeliner to my "car job" that I had done on my make-up. I don't know if it is the caffeine or the hair but I do know this... Things are great so far today! I will update this afternoon after the buzz wheres off and let you know how things are going then! (You should know that I have already written this post once but somehow in the process of adding my photo it got deleted. ) Not that I am generally a negative person but in most cases I would have given up on passing on the good news of my shockingly awesome combo of things that have made my day bright!

It's just not my fault your husband lost his job.

2009-01-16T11:06:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what I may have said or done in the few seconds it takes to greet someone but for some reason every rational and irrational problem in this persons life becomes my fault. I discovered this today when a "cat" (if you will) called in about her husband losing his job. She tells me it is because of the economy and asks what she can do to keep all of her "services" (I am a little iffy about actually discussing what I do on an Internet blog) without paying for all of them... then procedes to break it down over and over into the separate charges and ends with the fact that she will take her business elsewhere. I told her SA la vi and drop our shit off at the office... only with one of those milky smooth tones that make people want to slap me through the phone. I can say all of this because I don't CARE. I don't CARE if her husband lost his job. If she needed help putting food on the table then I could muster up some compassion but we are talking about something that she just WANTS not something that she needs. I am completely bothered by people who are down in their personal lives and they decide to pick up the phone and take it out on a stranger. This is why the world has therapists. So that people like me don't have to listen to other peoples' shit without getting paid for it. I would love to sit this woman down and tell her that I don't care where her upper middle-classed husband planted his ass for 8 hours a day. She can't insist that he not go golfing last spring or screw his secretary or whatever it was that he was doing instead of his job to make him one the "undesirables" that the company can do without. I would tell her that she needs to turn off the Shaina Twain, trade the Escalade in for a Honda and make life work. Not BITCH incessantly to strangers on the phone about needing to keep everything the same with half the income. LIFE CHANGES! MAKE IT WORK! I don't mean to be ugly about people that are going through hard times. I understand. I just know that placed in her position I would know what needed to be done. I would cut out the non essentials and look at it as an opportunity to make life better. Nine times out of ten things like this actually change things in the most unexpected but perfect ways.

Cat people vs. Dog people

2009-01-13T13:50:00.000-08:00

SO, your curious as to why... cat people vs. dog people.... I have this to say...
First off, I kept trying to find some sort of blog spot whatever to use and it seemed as though everything was taken. So I decided to use this one. Seems fitting. As a person who loves to watch people, judge people (you all do it too... you just don't like to say that you do) talk to people, look at people and HEAR people I have decided that the definitive "Cat people vs. Dog people" was a good one for me to use. See, I work in a job where I have to talk to people all day long. Sometimes as few as thirty people sometimes I have the most horrifying experiences of talking to ONE HUNDRED and thirty people in one day. It is amazing that I can actually tell the difference between CAT people and DOG people over the phone.
The cat people are a little wimpier.. you have to try a little harder to make them happy.. they are the people who want you to ADD the taxes up on stuff before you give them a price.. The people who would prefer to not have HBO if cost "that much" to where the Dog people are much more easily pleased... they tend to be happy when they call and even if they are some barking asshole (no punt intended) they are STILL more easily pleased. You just tell them what they want to hear, or what they don't want to hear... in a sweet voice and they will be satisfied... no adding taxes... they are the people who round prices down from $37.95 to "only $35.00" when they ask their spouse for approval in the background.
I prefer the later.... I have had cats... and I have dogs... This isn't really about what kind of animal you have you see... this is about what kind of animal you ARE.
I almost started some little family blog and posted nice little portraits and invited the world to see (which are normally the kind I love) but I decided to be a giraffe today and only worry about me. I spend a ton of my life thinking and caring and loving others... SO with that in mind I have decided that with this blog I will raise my head very very high to the tops of the trees and just see what I see.... Until next time.